Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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