i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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