sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
