that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
