My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
