So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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