That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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