i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
