Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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