she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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