My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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