the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
