Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Of course I have a pirate flag
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
