walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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