You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
