Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
