xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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