ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
