Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
