I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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