Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
