sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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