so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
