it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
being pregnant is like rehab
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
