We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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