What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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