Im at strip club and am horny
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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