i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
