Swine flu. Run for my life!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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