I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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