Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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