i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
