i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
