i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
