were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
