Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
