I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
