I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
