Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
