We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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