my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
