Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
accomplished twins. life is a go
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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