that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
