dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
