I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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