I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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