You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
