she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
