I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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