Christians are straight up FREAKS
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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