May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
