Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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