We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
