Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
