Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
