Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
