having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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