How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
