I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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