he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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